Drowning Street, London - (Ass Mess): "Should scare the living daylights out of the Tories," was how Prime Monster Gorgon Brown described the 31st October snap election date, announced today.
"This election will be the ultimate trick-or-treat for the British voters," Brown continued, "and the last nail in the coffin for the Conservative Party.
Meanwhile in London Hellfire Club grandees meeting at a secret location near Traitors' Gate called for an emergency review of Tory Party funding after persistent reports that 90% of the party's assets had been invested in Northern Rock equity at the beginning of the year.
What seemed like a canny move in January when the share price hovered at around £14 now spells disaster as the downward spiral to oblivion continues to peg shares at the £2.50 mark.
Brown however seems to have no such election funding fears after successfully bribing the Crown Prosecution Service this summer into dropping all chagres in the cash-for-peerages scandal.
This allowed Tory perjury jailbird Jeffrey Archer to keep his Lords seat in exchange for keeping his mouth shut about Lord Levy's offshore banking arrangements in the Saddam Oil-for-Fraud scam of 2005.
Bookies are predicting a 100 seat Labour majority for the Halloween poll.