Written by Kent Pete
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Topics: Princess Diana

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

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Up the duff? She certainly don't look it! But she slept with enough suitors.

'Intimate' details of Princess Diana's life will be heard at the inquest into her death, but evidence of pregnancy may never be known, a judge has said.

Lord Justice Scott Baker said scientific evidence might not be able to demonstrate either way that she was pregnant when she died in a car crash.

Talking from his home in Miller's Grout, Gloucestershire, the openly misogynist J.P. told our Home Affairs correspondent,

"What evidence have we that the 'Queen of Hearts' was up the duff. A few spurious comments from some female friends and a sworn statement from a Parisian gynaecologist. If history has taught us anything it's not to trust women or the French. Jemima Khan for fuck's sake, I ask you.

"What good would it do anyway raking up the past. I believe it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. If she was pregnant to a Muslim, can you imagine the constitutional consequences of that? Would it really be acceptable to have an Abdul or a Khalid as a half brother of the King of England. Of course not. What next? A homosexual in her majesty's government?

"No, I say we should do what the British have done for generations when potentially damaging evidence comes to light. Pay off those that need paying, kill those who won't play ball and change the subject if it should ever come up in polite company. It worked before with the Irish didn't it?"

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