London - (NarcoPress): Buckingham Palace should be barred from hiding drugs in the food and drink of its elderly residents, MPs were told yesterday.
The call follows reports that palace staff are dishing out sedatives and anti-psychotics to the frail and elderly Puppet Monarch without her knowledge or consent.
"It's mostly to stop her delusions about being the Queen," the Lord Chamberlain's advisers told an all-party House of Commons Committee.
"Otherwise it would be a case of 'Off with his head!' each time Prime Monster Gorgon Brown comes in for a chat," the flunkey added lamely.
The news follows official acknowledgments that drugs are regularly mixed into Old Fatty Mountbatten's early morning cuppa with a top-up at lunchtime "just before she gets quirky again."
Last year all-singing, all-dancing, all-party Commission for Social Care Inspection reported that the Puppet Monarch had been having regular sub-cutaneous implants of anti-psychotic medication since being deposed in 1963 and ordering the assassination of President John F Kennedy in a tit-for-tat retaliatory measure.
But that has not been enough to keep her docile and a decision was made to add a 'chemical cosh' into her favorite dish of mashed potatoes or spotted dick pudding.
"Confused and vulnerable people in Buckingham Palace can make life easy for Governments, of course," a Buck House source said today.
"But it can also lead to a rapid decline in voter credibility, especially after that daftass Golden Jubilee fiction in 2002."
Prince Philip is also under sedation