Leatherhead, Slurry - (DumbBeast Mess): Heather Mills' country mansion, Dunslaggin', is believed to be at the core of a ten mile radius foot and mouth exclusion zone today amid reports that the vegan loudmouth herself is being investigated for mad cow disease.
Local farmers have expressed concerns that Heather started the recent outbreak as part of her animal rights awareness initiative and then framed a government biotech plant called Meriel.
But the initiative backfired horribly, resulting in hernew divorce settlement property being ringfenced in by a Defra quarantine order.
Agriculture Ministry officials seem nonplussed by tabloid claims that Heather's animal rights pals managed to concoct an aerosol spray of the foot and mouth virus which they then tested on Southern England dairy farms.
"Mind you," a civil service source said today, "if anybody's got proof, like a video or a photo, of Mills going round spreading this foul virus......then we'd certainly be interested in having her probed."