The BBC is once again embroiled in scandal. As if fiddling phone lines was not enough, license payers are being deceived yet again; this time 'Wild man' Ray Mears has been spotted eating a Big Mac and Fries, a regular diet Coke and a McFlurry in a McDonald's in Milton Keynes.
The presenter of 'Ray Mears Wild Food', in which he demonstrates how to eat freely available food that was (allegedly) consumed by our Neolithic ancestors, has been noticeably gaining weight which is not conducive to eating from nature's store. He should be of similar build to his colleague, Prof. Rake.
When challenged by an In Seine news reporter, Mears, 22 (stone), broke down in tears and confessed: "It all began about five years ago when I had just left college and was bitten by a funny looking spider and broke out in a rash and developed some kind of eating disorder. You may find it strange, but I became anorexic and bulimic at the same time. I went to see my doctor who recommended that I eat fast food because he was concerned about my weight loss but also that I ate some natural herbs that would in effect detoxify and purge the effects of the junk food from my body. That was how I became interested in natural foodstuffs."
Wiping away the tears and slurping on his Coke, he added: "All went well for a few months and I was enjoying a well balanced diet. My GP was pleased with my progress. Then one day Prof. Rake gave me an 'iffy' hen's egg - I guess it wasn't cooked right through - anyway it tasted FOWL. I just don't trust him anymore because every bloody plant, herb, egg, mushroom or whatever he gives me tastes FOWL. I would appear to eat them, and enjoy them; but as soon as the cameras were turned away, I spit them out. I wouldn't recommend anyone to try what I do!"
"If the BBC didn't pay me so well I wouldn't do it. It is easy to understand why the dinosaurs and Stone Age man died out with such crap to eat."
"IT REALLY IS NEOLITHIC JUNK FOOD!"
Jamie Oliver is giving it some thought.