Written by Dan Holmes
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Topics: Parliament, Labour

Wednesday, 17 March 2004

image for Voters to slash Labour MPs by 408
McGordon McBrown - can he pull it off?

After the recent budget announcements by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, McGordon McBrown, it has emerged that the British electorate is planning to reduce the number of Labour MPs in Parliament by 408.

"There are far too many of them now, compared to what there used to be" said Croydon voter Brilliantine Smit. "Numbers have grown over the years to unacceptable levels. In 1997 there were about half the number there is now. I'd like to see their numbers reduced to sensible proportions once again."

The plan is an elegant one, based on the fact that now and again in Britain there are elections in which people decide how many MPs of various kinds there are going to be. "It's a simple enough system" says Sweeney Twite, political correspondent of the People's Friend, "but it works and by and large we get the government we deserve. Effectively if we don't like the buggers who are in we vote them out and vote in another lot of tossers who are just as bad but spell their names differently."

Brilliantine Smit sees the future as rosy. "Next time we have one of these election thingys I can guarantee that there will be serious job reductions amongst Labour MPs. With target savings of 100% of the salary budget for these Blairite lapdogs, once the voters realise that they can make the decision quickly and easily by pencilling a cross in a box, it'll all be over in a flash. And then we can start planning how to get rid of the next lot."

McGordon McBrown was unavailable for interviews after his budget statement, as he was undergoing surgery to have his mouth removed from his arse.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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