Written by Mister Meaner
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Thursday, 27 September 2007

image for Have-A-Go-Hero Self Defence Law To Be Extended
"Bring them in, dead or alive!" said Mr Straw

Gordon Brown has announced that he plans to extend the law on self-defence, giving hordes of have-a-go-heroes even more confidence to have a go, says a report out today.

Jack Straw, himself a committed have-a-go-hero (HAGH), has said that "the law-abiding general public need to know they will not face prosecution for intervening in criminal situations".

With this in mind, extensive new powers have been passed to HAGHs, to the extent that they may now exercise "wanton carnage" on the perpetrators of any crime more serious than dropping litter.

Not only will HAGHs be able to apprehend and detain suspected lawbreakers, but they will now also be within their rights to "kick ten barrels of shit out of them", according to the report, published in DreamOn Weekly.

Mr Straw went further on BBC Radio 4's Today programme when he said:

"Be buggered with 'reasonable force'. When people see, what they believe to be, criminals committing a crime, get in amongst them, bring them to the ground, and give those scumbags what they deserve, with every means at your disposal.

However, Liberal Democrat home affairs spokesman, Nick Clegg, who is known to be a bit of a wet blanket, and some Conservatives disagreed with Mr Straw's sentiments. Calling it "Anarchy In The UK", one Tory claimed that there would be Rivers Of Blood running through the streets of Britain.

Mr Straw told him:

"Shut up, Mr Powell!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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