Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Northern Rock

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

image for Northern Rock to be sold to Little Rock Sub-Prime Junk Loan Co
On the rocks: The Northern Rock Bank

City of London - (Ass Mess): A sub-prime junk loan company in Little Rock, Arkansas, has bought the near-insolvent UK Northern Rock Bank in a deal described as 'made in heaven' by City of London bankers today.

Northern Rock's share price plummeted even further this week to around £1-01p despite frantic attempts by the Treasury to pump up its coffers with Russian oligarch's surplus cocaine trading billions.

"What many people don't realise," an Exchequer source said today, "is that the £10 billion Alistair Darling said he was sinking...er, consolidating!... into the Northern accounts had to be borrowed in the first place.

"And because the Bank of England is particularly strapped for cash at the moment, they had to have a hurried whip-round among the non-domiciled mobster cartels from the Russian gulags who still have the odd five or ten billion stashed away in their Bogota coke trading coffers."

The new bank will be re-structured and renamed - appropriately enough according to some - as the Little Northern Rock Bank, or maybe - just maybe - the Little Rock Northern Rock Crack Rock Bank.

An announcement is expected from the City later in the week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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