Liberal Democrat Leader Charles Kennedy announced that Osama bin Laden has been inadvertently named Shadow Culture, Media and Sport Secretary, a post previously held by MP Don Foster. Mr. Kennedy was quoted as saying, " You know, it was really quite humorous how it happened. We were sitting around talking and Paul Keetch ( Shadow Defense Minister) was talking about bin Laden and Terrorism and Paul Tyler (Shadow Leader of the House) was going on about Manchester United and well, somehow it just happened on a voice vote. But I'm sure that Mr. bin Laden will do the best job he can, given that he's deep in hiding in Pakistan somewhere."
bin Laden, speaking from a cave via cell phone said, "I am issuing a Fatwa against Charlton Athletic and Chelsea in general and Matthew Holland in specific. I am changing the name of Nottingham Forest to Mohamed's Marauders and Portsmouth will now be Jihad United. On the culture side I have decided to wed both Britney Spears and Jamelia. Allah be praised, I just love them infidel girls."
Prime Minister Tony Blair, when told of bin Laden's new appointment said, " Our government is committed to working with our friends in the Liberal Democratic Party, especially it's newest member Mr. bin Laden. I believe he has a great deal to offer, given the fact that we don't bomb him into oblivion any time soon and especially if he can get me an introduction to Britney Spears. She does so toast my crumpets."
Don Foster, reportedly upset that he's been removed from his Shadow Post was quoted as saying, "Bloody Wogs are taking over everything."
(This story was approved by Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse)