Written by Kent Pete
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Sunday, 23 September 2007

image for The Intelligence Highway
End of the road for Traceyand Trevor.

Controversial plans announced today by the Shadow Home Secretary, the Rt Hon David Davis MP, promised to establish what is being called the world's first "Intelligence Highway" on the motorway from Oxford to London.

In a proposal due to be accepted at next month's Conservative Party Conference, toll gates will be established at various points along the M40. However instead of paying money at the tolls motorists will be asked to present their educational certificates in order to continue their journey. At present a suggestion that only drivers possessing a degree from a British University will be allowed through is being considered, though this might have to be revised to three "A" level passes at grade C and above to satisfy the 'Tory Wets'.

Talking from his constituency at Haltemprice & Howden Mr Davis told our Political Correspondent,

"Toll gates are a perfect way to introduce some basic social engineering. I am a true conservative and as such agree with a mixed society but let's be honest there are times you want to be amongst your own kind. We haven't got gated communities yet in Britain but toll gates are one way of separating certain classes of people. Wouldn't it be wonderful to stop for a latte at Uxbridge West services and have a conversation about Fine Art with a well spoken lecturer from Brunel University rather than fighting your way through a crowd of obese, sovereign ring wearing chav's to use a latrine."

When our reporter pointed out that some people with regional accents can sometimes gain degree's, Mr Davis went quiet and asked his adviser if this was indeed the case. Davis composed himself and said,

"The proposal is still being revised. We shall of course inform you when the final draft has been submitted. "

After a short pause he asked our reporter,

"Does anyone know if Janet Street Porter has a degree?

"Surely Diane Abbott hasn't"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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