Written by Noshing Mink
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Sunday, 23 September 2007

image for Ali G makes comeback as Boris Johnson
Boris Johnson at an Election Rally

Londoners awoke to the news that Tory Mayoral candidate Boris Johnson isn't a real person but is a fictional character created by local funny-man Sacha Baron Cohen.

Cohen is internationally-acclaimed for his satirical characters Ali G (a hip-hop white gangsta wannabe who interviews famous people and manages to get them to answer the stupidest of questions) and Borat (a reporter from Kazakhstan on a road trip across America, who exposes anti-Semitic racism by pretending to hate Jews himself).

The Boris Johnson character, given the nickname Bojjo by a fawning media, was exposed as Cohen after a mobile telephone conversation with his agent was secretly recorded by the News of the World.

Confronted with the evidence, Cohen reluctantly came clean at a press conference, saying:

"I got the idea for Bojjo from a cleaner in a building. Her mop was orange from cleaning vomit on the floor. However, when I put it on my head and started talking with a posh English accent, people treated me with importance.

"The name Boris comes from the stage name adopted by English actor William Henry Pratt, who was known as Boris Karloff and was famous for his role as the Frankenstein Monster. Whoever heard of an Englishman gentleman actually called Boris? I made him accident-prone but every time he said something stupid, it did wonders for his career as a politician.

"First he got elected to the House of Commons, then he was appointed to the Shadow Cabinet. After that, he got a job as editor of the Spectator. Finally, he became the official Tory party candidate for the position of Mayor of London."

However, despite being told that he isn't real, most Londoners still want Bojjo as Mayor. One lady on the street said:

"I like Boris Johnson best. I don't care about his past and whether he's real or not. He's much better than that socialist megalomaniac Livingstone."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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