Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Kate Middleton

Friday, 21 September 2007

image for Revealed: the chequebook that rekindled Kate and William's love for each other
Kate & William: Hellfire Club mercenary republicans on the scrounge

London - (Ass mess): The Pretender to the Throne's heir apparent and Kate Middleton rekindled their contractual obligations during a multi-million pound crack deal at a Wiltshire mansion this summer according to a report today.

The couple split up earlier this year after 25 year old Kate refused to continue original arrangements which provided William with the desperately-needed heterosexual spin that Clarence House has demanded of him.

A subsequent secret holiday together in the Seychelles was ideal PR to give the couple some breathing space after Labour Party spin doctors guaranteed a steady source of income if the pair committed to the royal carry-on for a little while longer "at least until Gorgon Brown can call a general election."

The claims, made in today's Royal Farce newspaper, shed new light on the plight faced by these futile little Puppet Monarchy pawns as they strive desperately to fake the hormones.

The paper surmises that William and Kate have 'made an agreement that could underpin their future together'.

"The underpinning is desperately needed because of a massive subsidence in their credibility as a bona fide hetero couple," the paper said.

"At the heart of the problem are serious threats to their happiness:

"Number one is being outed as mercenary republicans hired by the UK Hellfire Club.

"And number two is the dossier on them compiled by the head of the UK Drugs Squad.

"You can see the constitutional implications of this a mile off."

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