In an unprecedented move, the Portuguese Policia Judiciara investigating the disappearance of Madeleine McCann held a press conference yesterday, breaking with the standard practice of leaving cryptic clues scrawled in the toilet cubicles of the Tal & Qual Newspaper as permitted under Portuguese law.
Senior Officer, Federicco Da Frog, announced that several breakthroughs had been made, most notably the identification of matching DNA of both the missing girl, Madeleine McCann and her parents in the apartment in which they had all been holidaying, placing the suspects in close proximity to Maddy prior to her disappearance. In addition to this, the Policia Judiciara also announced the names of a 'Testmunha' - Official Witness, several 'Bystanders Inocentes' - Official Innocent Bystanders and an Official Nosy Busybody Who Will Voice Her Opinions to the Press Even Though She has No Inside Information.
Under Portuguese law, people officially named in an investigation can continue going about their business as if nothing has happened, but will be openly pointed at when going out in public.
When questioned by the British press about the validity of their evidence, Officer Da Frog announced loudly that 'Doctors have always been trouble makers. Just look at Dr Crippen, Dr Shipman and that mad lady doctor in Eastenders.'
He then proceeded to take the names of any journalists asking awkward questions, and noted them down in his little black book. muttering the words 'Arguido. Arguido,' under his breath.