Broadmoor Jail, Reading - (Disaster Mess): Peter Sutcliffe, known as The Yorkshire Ripper, has demanded a retrial after successfully lobbying Prime Monster Gorgon Brown over the injustice of his prison sentence.
His lawyer has also managed to appoint a key Downing Street official working for the PM to act as his PR spokesman in a move to raise the profile of his plight from injustice.
The Whitehall official is said to have "all the necessary key phone numbers and e-mail addresses of people in power" and is likely to do "untold good".
A series of top-level briefings at No 10 every weekday for the next two months will guarantee that his case is given the publicity it so richly deserves.
"Mr Sutcliffe does not expect help or influence to be exerted on his behalf," a statement released today claimed, "but he just wants to get messages to the very top."
Meanwhile Richard Branson is being pressed for a fat cheque and JK Rowling is considering a charity auction role to raise some £££ for this campaign.