Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Northern Rock

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

image for Northern Rock shareprice dead cat bounce
Customers don't believe Chancellor Alistair Darling's piteous promises

City of London - (Disaster Mess): Shares in the troubled Northern Rock rallied a few percentage points today after terrified tosser Alistair Darling went on TV last night to give a personal guarantee.

The revival was short lived however as swarms of customers continued to queue up today to demand their money back pronto.

Depositors want CEO Adam Applecart sent packing and the bank's books handed over to the Serious & Disorganised Crime Squad at the Met.

"We think there's something horrible hiding under all that smarm and rhetoric," Dave Nutkins from Sedgefield said today.

"Perhaps that dodgy Lord Levy is somehow responsible for some of this mess?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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