Written by Noshing Mink

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Topics: TV, BBC, Weather, News

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

image for Newsreaders read the same story again and again
If you want the news, get a scantily-clad woman to read a newspaper to you in your living room

In what comes as a further blow to the already tarnished image of the BBC and other British Television Channels, it has been demonstrated that newsreaders read the same story again and again.

Our reporter watched the telly all day, with nothing more than a packet of Jaffa cakes to keep him company. The findings were dynamite:

  • The same stories were mentioned on the hour every hour.
  • The stories were presented using the same words.
  • The newsreader would often be the same.
  • Sometimes, a news report would be pre-recorded. This became apparent after watching for several hours, when lighting conditions in the news report remained unchanged.

To make matters worse, it was found that after each News Broadcast, there would be something called the Weather Report, during which a pretty blond would stand in front of a map of the country and repeat what she said one hour ago, too. However, this would be wrapped up in complex Weathergirl jargon, like:

  • Air pressure.
  • Cyclonic.
  • Rain.

One psychiatrist said:

"By repeating the same news item again and again, the news station saves money. To the listener, this is not only monotonous but also causes the death of several thousand brain cells. This could lead to the loss of some higher brain function. It's a fact."

Perhaps News and Weather Reports should carry Nanny-type Government Health Warnings?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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