Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: NHS, Gorillas

Monday, 17 September 2007

image for Doctors ordered to swap white coats for gorilla costumes
A Consultant Neurosurgeon?

Patients groups have expressed bewilderment at Government plans to force hospital doctors to give up their traditional white coats and wear gorilla costumes instead.

Doctors have been using plain white coats for over a century, but loony Ministers say that these are "boring" and "environmentally unfriendly" in a cold country. Gorilla suits, which will have long fibres replicating the great ape's hair, will be "warmer" and "reduce hospital heating bills".

"Plus", said a junior health minister, "they're a laugh."

A spokesman from the National Association of Patients, Mr. Figgis, said:

"Gorilla suits will scare the bejesus out of some patients, create a contamination hazard and create a physical and mental barrier between doctor and patient. Plus they are expensive to make and wash. What is the Government thinking?"

Gorilla costumes first became popular after the 1980s Eddie Murphy film Trading Places, where one villain was gagged and put into a gorilla costume with his hands tied behind his back. He was later accidentally put into a cage with a real gorilla, making for all sorts of whacky animal japery.

Since then, gorilla costumes have been used by television presenters in children's programmes and charity appeals, and by some participants in the London Marathon. They have yet to enjoy widespread use in the workplace.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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