Sir Menzies (Ming the Merciless) Campbell, Lib Dem leader, is expected to test the loyalty of fellow Lib Dem at their conference this week.
In his speech, widely leaked, he is expected to say, "Oh bollocks, I'm sick of the lot of you, you ungrateful, winging, bunch of boring no-hopers i'm off. Fuck the lot of you."
If nobody calls out for him to come back within 30 seconds Sarah Tether is expected to take over as leader. Her leadership style is an unknown factor but she has been reported as recently purchasing a stainless steel dance pole and nipple tassles.
Sir Ming's office would not comment.