Written by monkeyman
Print this

Saturday, 15 September 2007

image for New drug hits the streets
User, lighting a Haribo spliff

After a damming report, by boffins at Southampton University, which stated that a mixture of commonly used food colourings could cause hyperactivity in children, drug users have cleared supermarket shelves of all leading confectionery products.

Sweets such as Mars, M&Ms, Skittles and Starburst have been flying off the shelves since a drug addict tried smoking the additive laden foods and found that they gave a high similar to Cocaine. Although these products are still legal they have been changing hands on the street for up to £30 for a 200 gramme bag.

Moves by the food industry, to change to Natural Colours are upsetting addicts. One user told The Spoof, "It used to be like taking candy from kids but now you can't get your hands on any decent (All)sorts or (Smar)ties. The best one was Tics (Haribo Tangfastics), that was a really wicked trip, but now those f*ckers have taken the additives out and we have to go for foreign imports, you don't know what type of shit you're smoking."

Parents groups have planned to patrol school playgrounds to stop dealers and addicts getting their hands on their children's sweets.

Words by monkeyman

Make monkeyman's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 3?

8 15 14 18
43 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more