Written by monkeyman
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Saturday, 15 September 2007

image for New drug hits the streets
User, lighting a Haribo spliff

After a damming report, by boffins at Southampton University, which stated that a mixture of commonly used food colourings could cause hyperactivity in children, drug users have cleared supermarket shelves of all leading confectionery products.

Sweets such as Mars, M&Ms, Skittles and Starburst have been flying off the shelves since a drug addict tried smoking the additive laden foods and found that they gave a high similar to Cocaine. Although these products are still legal they have been changing hands on the street for up to £30 for a 200 gramme bag.

Moves by the food industry, to change to Natural Colours are upsetting addicts. One user told The Spoof, "It used to be like taking candy from kids but now you can't get your hands on any decent (All)sorts or (Smar)ties. The best one was Tics (Haribo Tangfastics), that was a really wicked trip, but now those f*ckers have taken the additives out and we have to go for foreign imports, you don't know what type of shit you're smoking."

Parents groups have planned to patrol school playgrounds to stop dealers and addicts getting their hands on their children's sweets.

Words by monkeyman

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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