Royal Courts of Justice, London - (Told-You-So!-Mess): One of the UK's most senior judges in the Law Lords, Court of Appeal and on secondment to the litigation division of the UN Security Council is celebrating tonight as the City of London braces itself for the imminent bankruptcy of the Northern Rock bank.
Dame Vivian Gotcher-Bastards was cracking open the '96 vintage Dom Perignon this evening as "that corrupt arsehole of a bank" was going cap in hand to the Bank of England for a multi-billion pound hand-out to save it from imminent disaster.
From her Pall Mall, St James's mansion home tonight Dame Vivian gave an interview to press reporters about her personal fifteen year mission in exposing the Northern Rock bank "as one of Europe's most seedy, disgraceful, mobster-controlled, vermin-infested, George Bush-fellating, cretinous hellholes" ever to be given a UK banking licence.
Pulling no punches, Dame Vivian described how Northern Rock stole £20 million of her savings, hired a hitman to shoot her when she sued them in the UK High Court, paid thirty renegade former KGB spooks to infiltrate the City of London to frame her for Saddam's $18 billion Oil-for-Fraud scam and then poisoned one of its own mercenary hirelings, ex-KGB spook Alexander Litvinenko, with Plutonium 210 when he threatened to tell the Fraud Squad about what he'd been hired to do.
"And you're still wondering why Margaret Thatcher came crawling to Prime Monster Gorgon Brown's orifice in Downing Street today?" Dame Vivien chortled, knocking back another £250 bottle of the vintage nectar.
"Northern Rock was on Thatcher's payroll after she was outed as having a mobster hitman son with George Bush Senior.
"That f***ing little toerag tried to shoot me in Chambers one day after I got the proof that the Exxon Valdez disaster was a deliberate insurance scam that went disastrously wrong.
"I ask you.
"Fortunately I know where all Thatcher's bodies are buried. And that goes for all the majority of Northern Rock directors who she had executed as replaced with lookalike clones!"
An update on this fast-breaking story will be published later.