Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Religion, God, tesco

Tuesday, 9 October 2007

image for Tesco Attempt to Rob God by Starting their Own Religion
"I can save your Soul, but Tesco can save you money"

Heaven - God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are reported to be slightly concerned over the intentions of a 'very helpful' supermarket chain.

In their attempt to capture everyone's attention every single day, the Supermarket giant have now gone one step further.

Marketing researcher, Dr. Guenther Ratslinger said that: "Sundays are now our busiest days and our biggest rivals are churchgoers and so all we need to do is entice such people to walk down our aisles and not the church ones. People who read the bible read how God made the earth in just six days and he supposedly rested on the seventh, but where did he do his shopping?"

Ratslinger told In Seine News: "Some new attractions will be piped organ music, lighted incense burners, wine and wafers, 50% off blue rinses and sandals. Our in-store cafes will offer 'miraculous meals at heavenly prices - in fact to quote John Lennon; 'we're more famous than Jesus'."

Tesco's newly appointed Multicultural Inclusion Consultant, Ali El Morgan Freeman Hardy-Willis said that "Other faiths are most welcome [to shop here] as we shall have places pointing toward Mecca where people will be able to pray on our plush prayer mats and our 24 hour shops will open their cafes at night during Ramadan!"

The new initiative will be launched in November, just in time for Christmas with an extensive advertising campaign that may be offensive to some. The ad will present the gospel according to Tesco in which it will claim that although Jesus saves Souls, Tesco will save you money!

This begs the question: "How much does a soul cost anyway?"

Advertising executive, Ronnie Corbett said:

"EVERY LITTLE HELPS"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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