Written by parveen liddy
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Monday, 10 September 2007

image for Barrymore Trains as Lifeguard
Michael Barrymore tests his life-saving skills

Remorseful funnyman Michael Barrymore is to train as a lifeguard in a bid to prevent another swimming pool tragedy at his Essex mansion.

Barrymore has been cleared of any responsibility over the death of Stuart Lubbock, who drowned in his pool after a drink and drugs party.

The entertainer has banned any form of get-together at the house including barbecues, informal cheese n' wine tastings and tea and scones with the local vicar.

But he said he intended to train in life-saving techniques just in case someone should inadvertently slip into his pool again when he was nowhere near the scene and had nothing to do with the incident.

'You never know these sort of skills may come in useful,' Barrymore sobbed, as he often does.

'If I had been properly trained I might have been able to do something, if I hadn't been somewhere else at the time and not involved with the drug taking that I knew nothing about.'

His barrister Michael Mansfield, CSE, is an accomplished life-saver having passed his Bronze Arrow at cubs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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