London - (Rightoldlaugh Mess): Entertainer (sic) Michael Barrymore has been exonerated by the CPS over the 2001 swimming pool death mystery of Essex butcher Stuart Lubbock.
Barrymore attended Harlow police station today with fellow suspects Justin Merritt and Jonathan Kenny to be told all three are off the hook "just like Blair, Levy and Ruth Turner in that other probe earlier this summer."
The Crown Prosecution Service advised that despite six years' of evidence no one will face charges "because the severe rectal haemorrhaging" suffered by Lubbock was "clearly self-inflicted" and not linked in any way to any allegations of coked-out shenanigans at the Barrymore residence.
The CPS announcement has been greeted with a sigh of relief from supporters of Lord Hutton who set the benchmark for miscarriage of justice prevention when his 2004 report found that former MOD weapons inspector "clearly suicided himself."
Barrymore is now welcome to apply to the Labour Party Honors Committee for the usual gong "in recognition of services rendered to the British judicial system'.