The small seaside community of Bournemouth is still rocking from what dozens of witnesses claim were "mysterious lights" seen over their skies in June of 2007. A team of experts from the British Occult Ley Line Organisation & Xylophonists headed by Dr. Roger Carp arrived last week to examine the evidence and interview witnesses.
Dr. Carp said, "B.O.L.L.O.X. is devoted to discovering the truth of these disturbing reports". To this end, his team spent days interviewing active Bournemouth citizen and spunky prelate of the Olde Catholic sect, Bishop Bonkers, who claims he was targeted by the alien visitations. "The interesting thing is," says Carp, "we found that according to eyewitnesses reports, the mysterious lights were indeed seen travelling east to west in a direction precisely in line with the Bishop's cottage".
Bishop Bonkers, a local "character" of some repute, is recalled by many as author of the poorly-received "LowGate Vampire" series of self-published books detailing the evil misdeeds of blood-sucking vampires, giant spiders, and brain-robbing zombies.
However, Carp does not scoff at the Bishop's notion that the UFO visitations intended to disturb him were the work of a notorious Mushill Well "witch". "Frankly, science doesn't understand how the universe works," admits Carp, "and it is entirely possible that a witch could be using little-understood psychokinetic powers to 'conjure up' lights in the sky".
Carp's team will continue their work through the winter season, although he complains that "the Bishop insists all interviews be conducted in his outside loo" as "that is the one place he feels he is safe from alien abduction".