The Prime Minister Gordon 'Irn-Brun' Brown, has today imposed a raft of new measures to tackle crime, especially knife and gun crime.
There will be a forty eight hour gun and knife hand over period, starting tomorrow, where weapons can be handed in at all public places anonymously.
The collected metal will then be melted down and be used to make a massive metal fist which can be used to initiate justice with only ten minutes warning anywhere in the country.
The fist was originally proposed during the reign of Margret Thatcher, but plans were cancelled due to Tory sleaze and the size of John Major's glasses.
However with a few modern improvements the work on the fist will begin within the next six months.
The plans were discovered in the disused Deputy Prime Ministers Office when John Prescott was removed. They were found in a pile of dust and eggshells behind his head.
It has been decided that the fist will be wielded by former home secretary and bald scotch man John Reid, who marching in front of his army of clones,will purge the crime from Britain.
Girdn Brun himself will on occasion lead the forces, but he is expected to only appear on the more important operations, charging ahead in the orange silver and blue livery of Irn Bru.