A woods in Manchester is being terrorised by an all-girl gang who attack single men, and force them to strip naked and have sex with them.
The gang has already struck twice. The first victim described them as a blonde who looks like Jessica Biel, a brunette who looks like Lindsay Lohan, and a redhead who looks like Jennifer Korbin. He added:
"They talked dirty to me and made me watch them doing filthy things to each other. Then they ripped my clothes off and had their wicked way with me. Afterwards, they didn't even leave their phone numbers. I feel used and humiliated."
The second victim said that he was also made to watch a porn film on a portable television, then made to eat a curry (complete with poppodoms and pickles) and drink five lagers, before they molested him.
"It was like my worst nightmare", he wailed.
Detective Inspector Gigolo has promised to track down the gang.
"If necessary", he said, "I will use myself as bait and put up with whatever depravities they may inflict on me in order to get evidence of their wrongdoings and bring them to justice. And I mean more than just a spanking."
He refused to reveal the location of the woods, saying this was a crime scene and he didn't want amateur sleuths having all the fun.
This reporter wonders whether anarchy has finally come to the streets of England if a young man can no longer enjoy a night out without being sexually molested by three gorgeous women.