In an announcement today the minister of health and trousers Michel Montgomery-Smith, announced that he was announcing that 99% of beds in hospitals were to be removed to compensate for over crowding. He said that "Patients take up too much room lying down and they will take up far less room if the are made to stand.
I spoke to a patient in Saint Kenneth's hospital in Swindlewhoop upon Sludge, a Mrs. Jane Tissues, who to protect her identity we shall call Gareth.
"This decision is a disgrace; we are not going to take it lying down."
"But surely if you are standing then it will be easier for them to remove the beds?"
"Well, we'll, err, sit on our beds and not let them come near."
However we wanted to find out more so I, under the pretence of being a burglar, broke into the house of Mr. Montgomery-Smith and asked him some questions.
"Mr. Smith I'd like to ask you about the new hospital reforms."
"Hang about! You're not a burglar!"
"No Mr. Smith, I'm a journalist."
"Right I'm ringing the police; I can't have journalists pretending to be burglars at this time in the mourning."
"Mr. Smith who are you mourning?"
"Mr. Smith, your wife is just there, please get back to the question. What about people with no legs, what are they going to do?"
"We'll give them stilts. Now please leave."
At this point I was forced to leave due to the arrival of seventeen police cars, fortunately they were unable to recognize me due to the fact I was wearing odd socks. So what is the truth behind this terrible decision, and why does no one stop it.
There are many terrible puns in the world but none can be as bad as this. So is this the tip of the smoke fair, or do these problems run through our very soles? Should shoes have problems as disturbing as this running in them, and if so what sort? There are many questions but none in my shoes? Does any of that sentence make sense or even three years? Or is that a mixed metaphor too many? We may never know.