Birkhall House, Wee Bonnny Scotland - (Ass Mess & ReUterus): Camilla has defied convention after being booted off Friday's Guards Chapel Diana Memorial Cringefest by flying off on a sun, sea and sex vacation in the Mediterranean with Mohammed Fayed.
Exactly ten years to the day after Diana's disastrous holiday romance with Fayed's son Dodi ended with the pair becoming victims of drink driving Partis Ritz asshole Henri Paul, Camilla is determined to say two fingers to the Puppet Monarchy which has humiliated her so publicly.
And what better way than jetting off in Fayed's custom-built Leer (sic) Jet to the sunny climbs of Palermo, home of the UK Hellfire Club's Sicilian coke-trading dealership where the two will be feted day and night by specially hired paparazzi.
Having just endured a compulsory six week Scottish sojourn that the Metropolitcan Police Anti-terror Branch insists the couple takes each year during the summer months "to keep the muck off London streets", Camilla is eager to catch up on her tan.
And Mohammed Fayed may be just the man for a little indiscreet sun-lotion rubbing on Camilla's ample enbonpoint as strategically-placed paparazzi snap away in pursuit of that million-dollar holiday shot.
Kate Middleton is a raving loony.