Research out today that the cauliflowers in Britain's schools are receiving the worst education ever, with exam results last year showing an average cauliflower IQ of 0. But what is to be done about this appalling state of affairs I spoke to the junior minister for the education of agriculture Harriet Nickels.
"We have looked into these allegations and they are strictly not true. A report done in 2005 showed that the cauliflower IQ had risen by 13,000% in the last ten years, Cauliflowers are more intelligent than ever before."
We asked: "Isn't it true to say though that the cauliflowers used in these tests were Genetically Modified, American grown cauliflowers, specifically designed for increased IQ?"
"That simply isn't true, there were millions of cauliflowers in these tests one or two may have been these American ones but as a whole they were all organic cauliflowers."
But we wanted to investigate further so we broke into the ministry and looked through their files. We found a list of the names of the cauliflowers that took part in these tests. Unfortunately we were caught but the police were unable to find the location of the files we had taken. I caught up with one of the test cauliflowers, Mark Thoosham served in a top London restaurant.
"Mr Thoosham are you or are you not a genetically modified American cauliflower?"
"Mr Thoosham, speak to me Mr Thoosham."
"Do you mind, we're trying eat here"
I could not get Mr Thoosham or any of the cauliflowers i met to talk. So the future seems grim for cauliflower intelligence so are there cauliflower education reforms in the future or will it continue to go downhill?