Opinion polls over the last 48 hours show that most members of the public are sick and tired of hearing about singer and part-time crack-whore Amy Whinehouse.
One member of the public said: "I couldn't care less whether she dies of an overdose or not, though if she does, the sooner the better. I didn't know who she was until all the media coverage in the last week."
Whinehouse, in case you are not a Smash Hits reader, is a virtually unknown blues artist from London, whose music usually whinges about something or other. She has been in the news recently because of her booze, heroin and cocaine addictions, and she always appears zonked out in interviews. Because she's a singer, she's allowed to get away with being in possession of and using hard drugs.
A top doctor said: "She is feeling the effects of all the crap she feeds her body. She's in her 20s but looks much older. She's lost all sense of cleanliness and probably defecates in her kitchen, sleeps in her own vomit and fucks donkeys. If she was my daughter in law, I'd want the public to buy her records to speed up her inevitable overdose."
Disclaimer: Amy Whinehouse is in no way connected with talented blues singer Amy Winehouse, who is well-known for her good looks and morality, and who is in excellent health.