The thinking man's Carol Smilie, Carol Vorderman has shocked her many loyal fans by revealing her intention to be the next Pope.
Pontificating upon her desire to be the next Pontif, the brainbox behind Countdown, and those slightly sinister adverts where she invites all and sundry to consolidate their debts said:
"For a while now, I have needed a new challenge. Laughing at the jokes of Des Lynam, Des O'Connor, and Des from Neighbours (the bloke who looked like a long lost member of Showadywaddy,) is all very well, but it means that I don't have that much time to give back to society, and I feel that a slightly less stressful job is what I really need."
The spokesman for Benecol went onto ask: "Have you been in an accident that was not your fault in the last 3 years? You could claim compensation from people who have forgotten all about it."