London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Tuesday's eclipsed full moon is the harbinger of imminent doom for the Puppet Monarchy.
That is the conclusion of NATO military intelligence sources reviewing their latest seizure of yet another Russian Navy cocaine-carrying submarine whose cargo was destined to line the coffers of Old Fatty Mountbatten's current slush fund promoting Prince William as a bona fide blueblooded heterosexual heir apparent to the Pretender to the Throne.
"She's shitting herself right now up in Balmoral," Hellfire Club sources added as Adolf Hitler's daughter brazened out the coke sub's entrapment, "and her nerves are in shreds ahead of the sure-fire fiasco of Diana's memorial service on Friday."
Meanwhile the International Wiccan Symposium has also issued a statement stressing that at 5 degrees Pisces Tuesday's Lunar eclipse cuts across the Puppet Monarch's personal seismic fault lines as well as those that link her by DNA to Goerge Herbert Bush, former 41st President of the United States.
At Scotland Yard however the mood is buoyant as Diplomatic Protection Corpse officers rub their hands with glee at the prospect of escorting Bush Senior to his Guards Chapel pew for Friday's Diana Remembrance Service.
For seated right next to him in her designated seat will be Marcia Williams, the Hellfire hooker who he shagged over a three month period until she finally ovulated and conceived the silly slapper that was implanted onto the House of Spencer to become Lady Diana, later Princess of Wales.
"All we need now is for Bush Senior's son by Old Fatty herslef to be invited to join the whole mobster family," anti-terror sources said today.
"Fortunately there's no way that the Yorkshire Ripper will ever get an exeat for his half-sister's memorial do.
"Unless of course, Gerry Adams is also invited and then anything is possible."