Written by hammersfan
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Topics: Liverpool

Sunday, 26 August 2007

image for Liverpool's Woe
Shakira is puzzled

In the wake of the shooting of an eleven year old, the City of Liverpool today asked: "Why is it always us?"

Pointing to Jamie Bulger, the crack down on benefit fraud, Hillsborough and Heysel, a spokesman for the city complained: "It's one thing after another. Why is it always us like?"

The city certainly does seem to have suffered more than its fair share of bad luck. "There's the shooting of John Lennon for starters," said Kevin as he drew his benefit. "And the death of Bill Shankley. How could God have taken them? It just doesn't make any sense does it?"

In addition to the dual curse of Cilla Black and Jimmy Tarbuck, the city also had the endure the nightmare years of Hullier. And all this on top of the twin tragedies of Hillsborough and Heysel. "It just isn't right is it?" demanded Darren. "Why is the policing and stewarding always so bad at Liverpool games but perfectly adequate when other teams get to finals or semifinals? If you ask me it's a Tory conspiracy. I blame Thatcher."

The death of Jamie Bulger illustrates the curse that hangs like a fog over the city. "I mean, how can a small boy be taken, kicking and screaming from a crowded shopping mall in front of thousands of witnesses, and nobody do anything?" asked Shakira as she bottle fed a Bacardi Breezer to two year old Karma Sutra. "It's a mystery to me how it could have happened."

Gary, resting his silver foil and lighter on a grafittied wall, told our reporter: "I haven't seen my eight year old son for seven years now but it's terrible to think that he might be shot like."

The absence of any information leading to the arrest of the murderer was explained by Sean from beneath his hoody: "Whose going to help the Rossers after Hillsborough?" Outside the offie, Pat said: "I called in the rossers once when I was burgled. Next thing you know, they were asking why I had a multi-gym in my lounge when I'd been claiming Invalidity Benefit for the last twenty seven years."

The definitive answer to explain the curse came from Tosh: "It seems to me that God is a bleedin' Manc!"

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