In the wake of increasing rumours of a British pull out from Iraq, President Bush vowed to get tough on the lilly livered Brits yesterday. Speaking from the White House, Bush bemoaned the departure of his pet Primeminister Blair and labelled his replacement as Gordon Brown Pants.
"It's quite clear to me," Bush told reporters, "that his guy Brown hasn't got what it takes when it comes to a battle. Sure there have been losses, sure there have been setbacks, but we are winning this war."
Talking of the dropping of an American bomb on British soldiers in Afghanistan, Bush insisted, "They've got to expect a lot more of that if they think they're going to pull out of Basra. The way I see it is, you're either with us or against us; and if you're against us, Hell, we will make you pay!"
Bush pointed to the number of Muslims in Britain and posed the question, "Is this guy Brown an Al Quaeda agent?"
Reacting to criticism of the "friendly fire killings", Bush insisted, "That was no friendly fire incident. At worst it was collateral damage. Who knows, with this Primeminister, those Brits could have been trying to kill American soldiers in twelve months time."
He insisted, "Brown needs to understand the cost of pulling out of Basra. More Brits will die unless we have a commitment of on-going support. You don't get up from a Poker table until the last hand is played, even if you've only got a pair of twos."
Ending on a conciliatory note, Bush reassured Brown that he "still valued" the "special relationship" with Britain. "We like these guys," he said, "and we will stand shoulder to shoulder with them, just as long as they recognise who is in charge. When I said sit, Blair sat. When I said fetch, Blair fetched. All I'm saying to Brown is you have a choice: "Stay in Basra, or beg!"