Police today arrested a nineteen year old flapjack in Reading for incitement of racial hatred. The flapjack was found by Terror police lying in the shape of a swastika on a pavement.
Police believe that it may be a member of an international culinary fascist ring operating throughout Europe. They also pulled in for questioning, at about the same time, some Islamic celery from Nottingham, who was suspected of planning to detonate a packet of mayonnaise in a packed salad. However he was later released without charge.
This is typical of the massive growth in nutritious crimes that have been seen worldwide in the past seventeen years, but only with the new terror police in force are we even beginning to tackle it here in the UK. Throughout eastern and northern Europe police were long ago allowed to use forks in the offensive against food. However it is only comparatively recently that British anti terror police have been given access to modern food processors, such as the Kenwood chef, in order to finally break up these long standing criminal groups.
It is incidents such as this and the arrest of the Klu Klux sausage that fully throw into relief the awful potential that food may some day for-fill. It is sad to think that one day a ginger nut could be a threat.