Following criticisms by politicians, the media and the church of the community for allowing horrifying gun crime to stalk the streets of England like a big stalking thing, the police have acted swiftly and arrested "the community".
The community will be charged with:
- [glorifying the ownership of stuff, and
- not grassing to the filth.
Until a bail hearing can be arranged, "the community" is being held in various police stations across England.
Police Sergeant Goon said "We think this arrest will really make a difference. 'The community' has been allowed to get away with its morally reprehensible behaviour for too long."
The trial of "the community" is likely to be one of the longest trials in many years and finding jury members who do not know "the community" may prove very difficult.
Defence barrister Ms Toxa Lot said in her opening speech to our correspondent "I put it to you that these charges are vague and should be dismissed. In any event, the blame lies not with 'the community' but with 'the absent fathers'."
Since she was charging us £100 an hour, we terminated the interview at that point and cut our losses.
The arrest of "the community" has seen a sudden increase in burglaries, since thousands of homes all over the country are now unoccupied.