Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Sex, Social Services

Friday, 24 August 2007

image for Loony Social Services Stormtroopers take fertilized egg into care
Head of Social Services sends more snatch squads out.

Mr. and Mrs Jones had just settled in for the night in their pleasant home in Surrey and were getting "bu-sy" when there was an almighty thud from their front door followed by the sound of jackboots on the stairs, then their bedroom door flew open and social workers grabbed and pulled the couple apart.

"We have reason to believe you may be unfit parents", announced one of them, then pulled out a large bathroom plunger and proceeded to remove a fertilized egg from Mrs Jones.

"We've never been so shocked or distressed, and I've never been so humiliated or in so much pain", said Mrs Jones. "We're decent folk. What do they mean 'unfit parents'?"

We visited the Social Security Headquarters at the S.S. Building in Surrey, where Staff Sergeant Mrs Miller or possibly Frau Von Muller said "Vee had reezon to believe zat zee fazer had not paid a speeding ticket six months earlier. Vee vill be putting ze child up for adoption after it is born" (fake accent added by our editing department).

Justice for Families says that this is just one further example of overzealous behaviour by social workers. Their spokesman said:

"Previously, they used to stand by and do nothing when children were being abused by their parents and others. Now, it seems, they are going to the opposite extreme."

The Joint President of the Association of Directors of Children's Services, Mr. T. Hobbes, a nasty, brutish and short man, said "Who gives a shit what the parents think? My wife can't have children so fuck everyone else!"

How can we do that, Mr. Hobbes, when your stormtroopers practise coitus interruptus every time a decent married couple wants a shag?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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