Scientists have announced that one in 4 children born in Britain are foreign.
New mum, Emma Thicko, expressed shock when one of her quadruplets turned out to be Zimbabwean. "My other three are white so I got really surprised when the fourth one confiscated their land and started beating them up."
Hospital administrators in Woking General Hospital have decided to give every fourth child a foreign name. One told our reporter:
"We had 8 babies born today, so we named the first three David, Mike and Ann, the fourth Umbulu, the next three John, Steve and Victoria, and the last one Wangui. Umbulu and Wangui are as white as the others, but you can't argue with the statistics. No doubt they'll have a pretty interesting life in the school playground."
Foreign babies are not, of course, limited to the Afro-Caribbean persuasion. Some are white Americans. The Baby Unit at Bristol Royal Infirmary announced the births of Donald, Felicity, Sarah and Brad. Brad has apparently already invaded Donald's cot looking for toys with massive suction.