Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 21 August 2007

image for New Health Scare As Man Chokes On Mars Bar
A Mars a day, helps you work, rest and play

After the recent Foot & Mouth, E-Coli and Legionnaires Disease outbreaks, a new scare has this morning raised calls from health officials for a total ban on Mars Bars.

The alert follows reports that a man in Scotland has died after choking to death on an 'infected' Mars Bar, and the government have acted quickly to contain the outbreak.

John Glutton, who was 51, was dead on arrival at Glasgow Royal Infirmary last night, prompting ministers to order a cease in the Mars Bar production process, and a recall of an estimated 91 million of the chocolatey treats.

Public health minister Dawn PrimaRolo said today:

"We are expecting some resistance from newsagents, particularly those from ethnically-diverse backgrounds, but we don't want to take any chances. We certainly don't want another epidemic on our hands."

Tory opposition ministers have accused the government of 'scaremongering', and have said that anyone who eats twelve Mars Bars a day, as it is claimed Mr Glutton did, is asking for trouble.

David Cameron condemned, what he called, Labour's panic measures saying:

"People should be more aware of what they eat, and look after themselves more. Mind you, Mars Bars are delicious aren't they?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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