London - (Ass Mess): Ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has turned to literary thief, plagiarist and serial fraudster JK Rowling to help ghostwrite his autobiography after Downing Street source material diaries were barred from release by the Metropolitan Police's Serious & Organised Crime Squad before the 2012 London Olympics.
Rowling, daughter of BBC's Weakest Link gargoyle Anne Robinson and former US President Bill Clinton, is said to be thrilled at the chance to use her fiction talents to spin yet another preposterous tale as well as securing a percentage rake-off for any forthcoming movie deals.
Initial opposition from Cherie Blair had to be overcome after the doughty barrister refused to hand over her own Downing Street diaries before admitting she had already sold them to the CIA in exchange for the dropping of all charges relating to her prolific global coke running errands on behalf of cash-strapped Opus Dei in London.
Blair's memoir has been hyped as a blockbuster that will reveal shocking secrets including intimate Camp David hot tub discussions with George W Bush on dealing with his ex-rent boy lover Jeff Gannon, their joint heist of the vanished $18 billion from Saddam's Oil-for-Fraud fund and the dilemma of dealing with Bill Clinton after he demanded his own percentage cut as well as a get-out-ogf-jail card for Hillary in time for her to win the 2008 White House election.
Lord Levy is 69.