Written by Kent Pete
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Sunday, 19 August 2007

image for "Edward is straight" claims Sunday newspaper.
Eddie looking for totty yesterday.

In an interview due to be published in The Sunday Times tomorrow, Gay Prince Edward makes a confession that will stun his family, the theatre world, his long term lover Steve Richardson but most of all his wife, the ridiculously horny Sophie Rhys-Jones.

Talking to Arts Correspondent Rosie Millard , the flamboyant Royal claimed, "I am and have always been 100% heterosexual."

The news is bound to have a dramatic effect on the Earl's marriage. Close friend and one time lover of retired footballer Rodney Marsh, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson told our reporter:

"There is no doubt about it, if this news is true it could destroy the Wessex's marriage. Sophie has always accepted that Eddie was as Camp as Christmas. It was part of the deal. She was to keep quiet about it and as an unofficial payment would be allowed to satisfy her immense sexual appetite by sleeping with the 1st Battalion of the Irish Guards. I can't believe Teddy would put this arrangement in jeopardy by claiming to be straight"

But the Prince's camp are insistent that Edward is all man and to prove it have organised a series of photo shoots showing the balding mincer partaking in traditionally "male" activities.

On Tuesday he was photographed running away from the Child Support Agency, and on Thursday he was pictured drinking his own urine at a Lap dance club in London's notorious Kings Cross district.

A spokesman for the Prince said, "Yes the Earl is so straight it's unbelievable. We can barely keep up with his bore-ish macho behaviour."

When asked if Edward had actually slept with a women yet the spokesman replied,

"Well he hasn't actually done that but he has been so busy doing other 'laddish' things like taking the piss out of minority groups, that he has barely had time for that kind of stuff."

The Countess of Wessex was unavailable for comment but unofficial reports say that she will threaten divorce if her husband steps back into the closet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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