Written by Kent Pete
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Saturday, 18 August 2007

image for 50% of "Children in Needs" donations go on Wogan's wages.
Wogan. What a Cunt.

In a statement that will shock viewers throughout the UK, the BBC announced today that almost 50% of the profits they make from this year's Children in Need appeal will go on Terry Wogan's wages.

Speaking from his home in Upper Boughton, Loughshire, Chairman Michael Grade told our Arts correspondent, Peter Musgrove, "I can see how this may look to the outside observer but without Terry and his gentle Celtic charm, I honestly don't think many people would watch Children in Need. He definitely attracts viewers "

When our reporter asked Michael whether or not his black eye had anything to do with the "gentle celt's" response to being asked to do the show for free, Grade looked visibly shaken.

"Terry is great TV. Sure, like all Irishmen, he can get a bit handy after some time on the lash, but put him in front of the camera and he is pure genius."

However the announcement has caused outrage amongst fellow celebrities who happily gave their services for free.

Speaking from his 18 bedroomed mansion in the plush suburb of Silver Lake, Los Angeles, down to earth comedian Billy Connolly told our reporter, "Wogan is a fucking disgrace. I hate people that forget their roots. Does he not remember how hard life was when he had nothing. He's just another, 'Up yer arse C-list nobody', who has sold out to the money God. Thanks for the interview lads. You have exactly five minutes to get off my land or I'll set my dogs on yer."

Similarly, loveable but painfully unfunny "Comic" Lenny Henry commented, "I'm sorry to say but this is typical of Terry. Nice guy on TV but a total twat off it."

The Spoof would like to thank Mr Henry for giving us his time, especially considering the fact that his wife, the massive, but strangely fuckable, Ms French, had just been arrested at Heathrow Airport after customs officials discovered 35 kilos of Crack on her after she'd bent down to check her luggage.

Mr Wogan was unavailable for comment. Probably eating Caviar and stuff.

And having sex with lots of expensive Russian prostitutes......The lucky Bastard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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