Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Money, Lottery

Friday, 17 August 2007

image for Lottery Winner Warned About Giving Up Work
Kelly carrying her winnings home yesterday

Angela Kelly, the £35million EuroMillions lottery winner, has said that, although she understands the dangers of overspending, she will be giving up work immediately.

Miss Kelly, 40, from East Kilbride, South Lanarkshire, works as a Royal Mail transport manager, and says that, although she "loves work", she will be handing in her notice next Monday. She will also be moving out of her cramped two-bedroomed Council flat that she shares with her 14-year-old son.

Miss Kelly, nicknamed "Jumbo" by work colleagues, has been separated from her husband Gerry for eight years now. He has been officially recognised as being the "unluckiest man in the world" - even taking into account Miss Kelly's looks and 'portliness' - and was last night being consoled by friends in a nearby pub.

A friend of Miss Kelly, neighbour Jock McDaniel said:

"A've warrrned the lassie that, although she has lots of money just noo, that willnae be the case forever. A car, a new hoose, holidays - they all eataway at y'r savings until, before ye know it, there's nuthen left!"

Work colleagues, too, think Angela has been too hasty in ditching her crummy job. One, Bessie McMc, said:

"She's been too hasty in giving up her crummy job!"

The overweight Miss Kelly, who has never won so much as a penny before in her entire life, now won't need to win anything else. Asked what plans she had for her winnings, she laughed:

"I might go into some traditional Scottish industry - either kilt-making or drugs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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