Reports have surfaced that Chelsea star Frank Lampard has checked into the Paris Hilton (talent-less socialite, not the French location of the popular hotel chain), resulting in the conception of a child.
It has been reported that during Chelsea Football Club's tour of America, Lampard who failed to make a significant impact during any of the team's game time, took the opportunity to have a crack at LA's town bicycle.
Interestingly however, broadcasts of the pregnancy itself was news to Paris who took time out between takes of her latest home porno to talk exclusively, sorry EXCLUSIVELY to The Spoof. When asked if she welcomed the bundle of skank-love-child she was carrying, Paris reportedly looked shocked and cursed "Oh crap, not again!" She went on to reveal she suspected something was wrong however having sought medical advice, she did not press the matter.
"I totally felt like, like something was wrong a couple of days ago right? But then I so took it up with that new hottie doctor Zach Braff and he did a full examination and said I was fine. I mean I should've like guessed something was a bit dodgy when he checked me out at a nightclub but I thought it was like, you know his new practice or something."
The man in the middle of this situation (and the middle of Paris) Frank Lampard, has let his club manager do the talking, refusing to front the media in person. Jose Mourinho however did shed light on Lampard's after-hour activities remarking "Good on him! Lamps is a complex man. I have studied him for many many seasons. When he is not scoring on-field, he puts in extra effort off-field. Instead of doing laps or set pieces at the training grounds, he stays in the hotel watching mating scenes from Animal Planet and some of Rio's home videos. Eh, what can you do? At least he's scoring. Not like that useless pretty boy Shevchenko, he's shooting blanks. Everywhere. His kids look a lot like me no?"
Public pressure from Family Support organizations fighting for the protection and benefit of other naïve women has led to the notification to Paris Hilton that Zach Braff does not actually possess a medical degree like his on-screen persona nor is Frank Lampard a worthy root.