LONDON, ENGLAND - Sources close to the Royal family report the Queen has acquired a very unpleasant habit. "She indiscrimately spews intestinal gas at the most inappropriate moments". "She sound likes she's on the ‘throne' even when she isn't". Every room has become a "Lu". Extreme measures have been taken to disguise the "very apparent noise" that accompanies the act. Family members have resorted to be wearing loud, squeaky shoes to offset the discord.
On a tour conducted at the Royal Gardens, the Queen came to greet the visitors and "ripped a big one". It stopped the group dead in their tracks. "I explained it as a ‘very large barking tree spider', the tour guide reported.
Others have blamed these unfortunate incidents on the dog. "We have to marinate her under garments in perfume, after a day out", explain the court laundress. "No one has the nerve to approach her about "the problem".