WESTMINININSTER (Defecated News) - With recent polls indicating a clear win for Labour at a October general election, Gordon Brown yesterday introduced changes in tax law that could boost his popularity even more.
From 2008, people with beards or any bad facial hair will be made to pay a 10% 'Hair Duty' on top of their income tax. The PM explained his reasoning.
"People with facial hair are hiding something. They are trying to not show society what's really going on. Look at that Bin Ladin fellow, bastard with a beard. The Bee Gees, Kenny Rogers, Santa - all bastards. This tax will create a safer and happier UK for all. Sikh people will be virtually expempt as it is a religious requirement for them. They will pay only 1%.", he then did that weird thing he does with his mouth whenever he finishes a sentence.
He also described how bad sideburns and moustaches would also be taxed, "Sidies and moustaches will also be taxable at a rate of 10%. All bastards, the lot of you. Think you're Elvis? Get a life. Wanna look like Freddie Mercury? Then pay up, scumbag."
The PM will, next week, outline further tax changes related to people who wear drainpipe jeans or generally dress like they're from the 80s.