Dirthole, SOUTH LONDON (Defecated News) - Rival groups involved in the ongoing black-on-black gang war in South London have adopted newer, more frightening methods. AK47s, rocket launchers, tanks and even stealth bombers have been employed to 'whoop the butt' of the enemy.
"The days are gone", explained Marcus Harvey (17) from Lewisham, "where you'd simply pick up a gun and shoot the muthafucka. We need bigger badder shit, you know. We sell drugs, and use the profits to buy shit from our contacts in Afghanistan."
The Home Secretary, whose name I forget, told The Spoof, "We're better off just letting these shits kill each other. We can then nuke South London, and transform it into a large theme park for decent North Londoners to use at their leisure."
His plans are supported by the Prime Minister, it's believed. "These fuckers are scum. Let them wipe each other out and then the rest of society can get back to civilisation.", he added.
Darcus Howe had nothing to say, for once.