Written by Velveeta Peron
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Saturday, 11 August 2007

image for Competition Stiffens Ahead of Fashion Weep
"Do as I say... not as I do" sez new fashion scribe

Basic black is set to stage a massive comeback at the society celebration marking the death of Diana, Princess of Wales.

"I'm not going and now that dreadful Fergie has bowed out, I can pretty much guarantee it's going to be a very stylish occasion," writes newly minted columnist Cherry Blair in her 'Fashion Faux Pas by Example' column for the Daily News of the Express Times.

PR reports suggest Kate Middleton is wearing Elizabeth Emmanuel for Topshop. Middleton is also heavily expected to wear those requisite black suede boots, further fuelling rumors the boots have actually fused to her legs and will require removal by surgery in due course. Camilla, Duchess of Co-Respondent, will be in sackcloth and ashes, confirms Nigel Dempster, via Ouija Board. Several of the mourning peacocks will sport ridiculous fascinators by society designer Flippin' Treacle.

"What better way to remember Diana than by putting on a new dress?" writes Blair in her inaugural column. "I just hope everyone's honest at the shops. I mean, really, is there anything more pathetic than some middle aged woman squeezing her lard into something two sizes too small and then wandering about in front of photographers with a silly look on her face and a couple of hams hanging over the waistband?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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