Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 10 August 2007

image for Legionnaires Disease Outbreak Leaves One Dead, Others Feeling "Ropey"
Always pick a good quality hair conditioner

The laboratory in Surrey at the centre of the Foot & Mouth outbreak investigation, is being blamed for the outbreak of another potentially fatal illness, Legionnaires Disease, in the West Midlands town of Dudley.

One woman has already died, and another four are "poorly", and, as the locals "live like rats" the authorities have braced themselves for an epidemic of biblical proportions.

Health and sanitation in the Black Country are not as they are in many other parts of the UK, and some environmental health experts have described living conditions as "mediaeval". Life expectancy in the area can be as low as 12.

The lady who died was being treated at the Russells Hall Hospital in the town, and health officials have said they think that sub-standard hair conditioners may have been to blame. As a precaution, they say, use of all hair conditioners should be discontinued, until the source of the outbreak can be determined.

The laboratory site at Pirbright, which is being investigated by scientists in connection with the Foot & Mouth outbreak, say they do not make or test hair conditioners.

A spokesman for the Health Protection Agency (HPA) said:

"We advise all consumers to take great care when buying hair conditioners, and always make sure that the product is right for your kind of hair".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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