The UK foot & mouth outbreak, Spoof News can reveal, was not caused by a sewage leak from the Government-funded Pirbright Research Centre, but was spread by a cow who mistook a sample of the deadly disease for heroin.
The cow, MooMoo "Spazzy" McGee achieved his nickname due to his addiction to the Class A drug. He was unable to comment but his barrister, charged with defending him from multiple charges of cowslaughter and of supreme idiocy, said, "We are hopeful that MooMoo will get off because he can give no evidence - the judges are scared he will put his foot in his mouth. Mr. McGee is very sorry for his drug-fuelled actions."
McGee's colleagues, Sean O'Vine the sheep and Mac McMac, pig, told the Spoof that their workmate is also an alcoholic, chain smoker, and kleptomaniac.